"A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Canaan's Story (Part 5) My mama tells her side.

This is an extension of Part 4
Introducing my mama...she is my guest writer. These words honor, humble and bless me beyond description. Thankyou mom for your beautiful account of Canaan's Story. If you haven't been following Canaan's Story, please scroll down to part one and work your way up...it is full of God's promises and the whole story paints a picture of God's glory!
So many thoughts were running through my head...Is she scared? No one's with her. She's strong. Jesus, be with her and the baby! She's my little girl. When will morning come? She's alone. God send your angels!

There have been 2 times in Rossie's life she has taken my breath away. The first might surprise you. As a mom, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I described parenting as having a blindfold on with God holding my hand saying.'Trust Me'. At times with Rossie I was wearing that blindfold and holding my breath. But that's another story:)

Room 7128.
I put on my happy face wanting to be the pillar of strength as I walked through the door. I knew what I would find. My beautiful daughter would be bubbly and gracious, even though she was Dog
tired, offering words of kindness and encouragement to every visitor, doctor, nurse and cleaning lady that graced her room. I was right. She'd smile and say thank you for every little deed. A mom knows though. This picture of strength, wisdom and beauty given to her by the Lord and Savior she loves so much, was feeling very weary and vulnerable. Her child was in trouble. I know that feeling and my heart broke for her.

Rossie loves intensely. She loves each of her children and their uniqueness to the degree that she knows every little thing right down to the latest pin-sized mole that pops up. She knows her children and she knew this child in her womb so well that when she sensed trouble, through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, her protective instincts kicked in and she was ready to fight for her baby. The love of God and the love of a mother is a powerful thing.

Can a person ever be prepared enough for the news that their child may not live? As gently and as humanly as possible, Dr. Key informed us of the extensive testing that had been done, the grave danger of the situation, and the conclusion to do an immediate C-Section. He also told us that in a very obvious and miraculous way, God had been with Rossie. That angels had encamped around her to bring her to this place and time. I wanted to shout YES!!! My hopes soared! I wanted to scream LET"S ROLL!.

The doctor left to prepare for surgery and even though it was a very dangerous situation, there was peace. God's presence was in every inch of that room. Prayer from across the country filled room 7128 with strength and hope.

As the door closed though, a mommy's heart broke and the tears fell. Fear found it's place as Rossie grabbed her tummy. She called me over and said, "Mama, please pray that God prepares me if He decides to take my son. I want to glorify God whatever happens."

I couldn't breath...Even now it is difficult to put into words all that went through my mind in that moment. She raced through my thoughts...the little girl cradled in my arms, the toddler plowing through life, the rebellious teenager who did everything huge, the hurt and confused daughter from a family that struggled, the lovely young missionary girl who was falling in love with Jesus, the beautiful bride worthy of wearing white ready to marry the love of her life, the brand new first time mommy and now the vulnerable young woman facing the possibility of losing a child.

What selflessness, what love and commitment to her Lord. And just as Abraham laid down his son Isaac on the altar ( Genesis 22), Rossie placed her son on the altar and said with all of her being...May whatever happens bring glory to You.

Oh, if every mother could know what I felt when the full impact hit me. I felt God whisper in my ear...Well done thou good and faithful servant...Matthew 25:21. How proud I was of Rossie and how grateful I was to God. How humbled.

As I stood beside her, watching as God presented back to her...her son Canaan Frederick Ansolabehere...I knew I had just witnessed God in all of His glory, love His daughter and I knew... that I too was most blessed of all mothers.
I'll close with this from one of our favorite children's books:

I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.



Too Many Kids In The Bathtub said...

tears , tears, tears! What an amazing journey through the eyes of a wonderful mother! WOW! The feeling a mother feels to see her children praising the Lord through good and bad! This is what I pray for or children!


So much crying here that Kya is asking, "Why are you crying so hard mama?"

"Because God is so good sweet daughter, so very good."

Rebecca Lynn said...

looks like "mama" has us all in tears!!! What a trail to go thru!
God Bless you!

Lynette said...

The tears are falling! That is absolutely beautiful! God is amazing!!!

Sweet Talk said...

Canaan's story brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart! A true example of God's work. You are an amazing woman Rossie and a great example of how we as Godly woman should be!

Shannon said...

Tear jerker! So sweet... I hope that one day I look back at my adult children and see that I have done well for His glory, also. Amazing how awesome that will be. The little daily struggles seem like such defeat sometimes, but we have to remember to look at the bigger picture. Well done!

Liz Ratliff said...

Rossie, I read Canaan's entire story thus far and all I can say is what a mighty God we serve. He is amazing and I'm so glad you have shared this story with us.